Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
