This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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