He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
