i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
