Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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