His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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