The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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