i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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