called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
