Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
