Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
