The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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