Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
