I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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