YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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