also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
