I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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