I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
