Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
