We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
