haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i already hear my dad disowning me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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