hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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