Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
cat food counts as protein by the way
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
