i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
