did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Porn is love you can see.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
