i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
