just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
