Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
