Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
