I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
