Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
