yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
