I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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