I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
