Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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