Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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