shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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