Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
