i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
