you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
