Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
