If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
