i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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