Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
