when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
