direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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