fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
