My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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