Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
