It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
